….WHY DON’T YOU KILL ME

These Real Housewives shows have really poisoned the minds of so many women. They all think they’re entitled to marry an NFL’er, and if you’re less than rich- you’re less than. Any time I try to talk to them I get the worst looks, like I’m a leper, or Perez Hilton or some shit. Black women seem to be the worst- If you;re not 6’2, lightskinned, with dreds, and ripped body its like u dont exist. Then all these women who work regular, shitty, retail, low-paying jobs Mon-Fri- They show up at the club on Saturday looking like Video Vixens, and forget who they are. I hate the nightlife in general, its like high school- or church- Everybody’s there just posing- frontin like “Who’s the biggest baller”- How many women in my life I’ve heard go “I’m 5’2, so any guy I date needs to be AT LEAST 6 feet- because I like to wear heels. I really hate woman. Its sad to be attracted to a group of people who dont like you back. The worst part is, so many gay guys out here- and I get hit on all the time- so it just leaves me mystified like- what are they seeing that women aren’t?? When a dude hits on me I dont get too bothered- i just wanna go “oh you think im cute? WELL TELL YOUR FUCKING SISTER!” I dont even know why I’m writing this. No one’s gonna read it. Oh, wait thats why all my friends are married now, so writing a blog is better than talking to a wall. All those stupid sitcoms have it exactly right. All those cliches about married couples, and your guys when they get married are true. Can’t go to the mall without permission.Hell, I cant even go over my friends houses anymore- Not because I’m not wanted. But I can’t just hang with my boy without all of us hanging (making me 3rd wheel). Also anytime I’m over their house it reminds me of being with your friends when you were a kid, when mom was around- They cant be themselves, gotta be this pussified, sanitized, non offensive version- and I cant even say what I really want. I guess I should’ve started by saying, I just moved from California to a small suburb in Atlanta. I was originally from here, and moved to get away from the monotony. I spent 3 years out there, but the recession kicked my fucking ass (like everyone else)- I got laidoff from one job, and fired from another. So here I am, fucking 27 years old, back at mom’s house, back in Ga- and the few people I knew that are still here- married with kids, and boring as Days of Our Lives. Some days I really think of suicide. It’s like, why wake up? The worst feeling you can have, is knowing- before tomorrow is even here- that nothing special will happen. I can;t get work. Worked in just about every industry you can imagine- customer service, pizza elivery, construction, dental office clerk, night stocker- So of course when I applied to Joe’s Crab Shack for the dishwasher position (which paid $7.25/hr- I shit you not, in August 2011)- I got a neat auto-reply email stating “Unfortunately, at this time- we’ve decided to go with better qualified applicants.” Not even qualified to wash dishes at a shitty seafood chain that’s a half step up from Captain Long John Silver’s. Like why am I even here? I used to be happy, and tell jokes, and thought I would be a comedian. Now I don’t even smile anymore. I get online, knock out a few hours woth of applications, personality tests, and resume parsing ( thats equals like 2 job apps), take a porn/jerk break. Then more applications. Eat food. Watch a little tv. Get sleep. My “friends” don’t even call me. I live 2 miles form what used to be my “best friend”- the only time we even hang is when another friend comes to visit form out of town. You know, because he’s more important than me. Walking from the grocery store the other day, girl smiles at me, I smile back- I ask whats your name, and she looks at me like I’m a professional stalker. STOP FUCKING SMILING AT PEOPLE THEN BITCH! If you wouldve given me that sour, attitude, “dont bother me” look that most of my ‘sistas’ walk around with, then I wouldve known my role. Fuck Atlanta, Fuck Georgia, Fuck Real Housewives of Everywhere. Listening to Odd Future Wolf Gang made me feel a little better. But I feel like m life i sspiraling downward. I feel like Michael Vick, when he was released from prison- except no NFL to fall back on, no fans greeting me upon my turn, and defintely not protesters- which I’d gladly take- because at least someone would be paying attention. I AM what everyone thought & said I’d be: A loser.

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